Morning Commute

Life is full of fun little twist and turns. The fact that I am currently sitting next to one of the few people in the world that I can't stand is one of them. And I thought getting the early train was a good thing. My reasons for loathing this person like I do are my own. I could go into a deep and profound expulsion of explanation, but it is far easier to say that it involves a girl. Straight and to the point. So far he hasn't noticed me. Perhaps he will continue reading his paper and I will stay here in my book. That is extremely hopeful, however, given the distance into the city. But maybe, just maybe, this situation is like the enlightening lecture I was given about snakes and other undesirable creatures when I first moved out into the rural area I now inhabit. Maybe he is just as uneasy about talking to me as I am about talking to him.
I've sat here, three feet from a whole world of awkwardness that I wouldn't wish, funny I should mention it, on my worst enemy, since I boarded. That may be a bit harsh. It isn't that I have anything against the man in general, just what he represents. He is my replacement. Everything that I should have been but wasn't. He walked in and accomplished in a few short months what I couldn't get done in three years. But I said I wasn't going to go into that.
Damn. Fifteen minutes into an hour long ride and it feels like I should have already been there and back half a dozen times. I think Einstein was on to something with relativity. God, I think he just glanced over. Maybe talking with him won't be that bad. Hell, we may even have some things in common. Other than a very similar taste in women. But then he might mention her. That is a discussion that I have had with enough people to last a lifetime. What would be worse is if he presumed to tell me how she was doing. It is a simple and kind gesture, and God help him, he is a simple and kind man, but I have spent this past year trying to get beyond that old life. To hear the words, "She is doing well," and get a synopsis of her goings on might make me do irrational things. Just thinking about it has me envisioning my hands around his throat. I can feel the delicate pressure I would use, just enough to close that ever-important airway. It would be artful, even, not the mad-dog killer style. Killing another human being should be something sacred. Being the sane individual that I am, however, such things only exist as fantastic flashes of mental imagery. Or maybe denying the primal urges of my animalistic side make me less sane. A debate for another time perhaps.
Another half hour and I can forget all about this unpleasantness and get on with my new life. The woman's baby across from my nemesis and me appears to have colic, and it doesn't seem to be very pleased with the fact. It is letting everyone else on the train know as well. The mother seems to be very sleep deprived. No rings on her fingers. Five to one says this single mom is off to an early appointment to beg a doctor for some sort of relief, medicine for the kid or a little something for herself. There are a few business men and women off to the daily duties of this world. A few day trippers are there as well, off to some sort of important business in the big city. How long have they been on this train, sitting in those same seats, all looking very uncomfortable at the prospect of facing the hustle and bustle of their final destination. Where did they all come from? Just how far into the fields does this express go? Maybe one day I'll ride it to the end of the rails, just to see. I wonder at the amazing circumstances that bring us all together in this one trip. I'm sure the business people are here on most of the days that I am, I just never see them due to the late train that I usually catch. Just as sure as I am about that, I'm certain many of these people make this trip less than once a month, if that much. How amazing it would be to get into the microcosm of their daily lives.
Just before I begin taking a survey of all the people in my general area, I realize that I haven't the foggiest idea about why the man to my left is here. By all accounts there is absolutely no reason for him to be this far out. Last I heard he and my old flame lived in a cozy little apartment right downtown. My mind starts racing. I know who he is, I knew him before all the unfortunate business went down, and the person who takes your place is not a face you forget easily. I caution a glance in at him at what seems like a safe moment. And he is who I was sure he was. So now the questions start. Some sort of tragedy? Family in the country? Some sort of vacation? And all of the possible explanations for leaving one's normal surroundings bring up the one important question: Why is he alone?
For the first time in the fifty minutes I have been sitting next to this man I look at him, actually look. And what I see is akin to what I saw in the mirror a year ago. Frankly, he looks like shit. He is unshaven, his clothes unpressed, his hair uncombed, and fitting every stereotype of a man going through hard times, he has missed a button hole. All in all this poetic vision of a man in shambles might be comical, had I not met the subject before. Like I said, he was a sweet guy, one who I'm sure hasn't done anything to deserve whatever is tormenting him.
Whatever surrounds the two of us, it can't be held over the fact that he looks like he is absolutely alone in the world. And he is one of the few people on the earth who shouldn't be in that situation.
Five minutes to anonymity, and I turn and face him. I guess we all have to break the old routines sometime